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Children,  they grow on you

Family is the best.

The other day I was watching my two young adult sons walking from the shed back towards the house after a day of work.  It was lovely to see them chatting to each other as they finished their workday on the farm.  I am sure they weren’t talking about anything much but it was a nice feeling seeing them get along.

Some families don’t get along.   I hear people saying that they don’t talk to their brother, or sister, or mother or father and it breaks my heart.   I just hope that we have brought our kids up with enough generosity and thoughtfulness and love that they will respect their siblings no matter what life sends them.  

Brothers and sisters will always be there.  Since you first enter the family nucleus they teach you patience and sharing and how to be thoughtful of other peoples feelings.  They know all your secrets.  They were the first people you shared the bathroon with, the first people you holidayed with. In my case we endured hours in the car on the weekends driving to little rural towns where we watched my Dad play cricket. Three of us in the back seat, for the most part annoying the heck out of each other. You can always connect with your siblings when reminiscing about those trips and can always bond over the idiosyncracies of your parents.

Family are a very important support.  Through good times and bad.  I think the quote “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family” means you are lucky to get those people as your family.  I hope that my kids will choose their siblings to be their friends for the rest of their lives.

When running a farming business there can be extra pressure on relationships as the siblings grow up.  Who wants to be a farmer? who gets the farm?  Who might want to be a farmer but leaves to make their own way, because they know there can only be one person taking over the business.  I have seen this cause rifts, anxiety and sometimes siblings just drift apart. As our children get older that is foremost on my mind. I want to make sure the farming business doesn’t affect them as friends.

The inheritance of a farming business can be tricky. We are trying to keep all our four children involved; with lots of communication, discussions at the dinner table and eventually they will be at the business meetings. They know that they are part of our business whether they are here on the farm, involved with the day to day running or off pursuing their career in the ‘big city’.  All of our children know they will be involved and supported in the future, the best way we can.

I am lucky to have one brother and one sister, both whom I love and respect and actually like to spend time with socially.  Mind you it has taken a few years for me to realise that they are very important to me.  It wasn’t that we never got along, more the fact that we didn’t realise how much we liked each other and we all just click. My sister and I have many things in common, we both love Yoga to name just one interest. My brother and I both have a love of the sea, surfing and swimming. Unfortunately I live about three hours travel away from both my brother and my sister but we see each other as much as possible. I am grateful for any time we get together. I am blessed to have such a beautiful family.  It will bring me joy seeing my kids liking their siblings company as much as I like mine.

The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, lies in its loyalty to each other.” – Mario Puzo

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Boarding School

Sport at boarding school

It has been a week since we have had our youngest son home from boarding school. He was home for school holidays. We get to hang out with him for two whole weeks. It is always nice to have him home as he likes everything I cook him and he enjoys doing things with us. I am sure this would be different for any other normal 15 year old boy who doesn’t go away to boarding school.

As they all did, while away at boarding school, when they come home they appreciated their family, their home cooked meals and their freedom on the farm. And from my experience over the years I am certain that when they get back to school they are happy to be there with their mates, doing things with them 24/7. Some holidays we go away and they love that but they also appreciate just being at home in their own bed.

We are lucky we are only three hours drive away from the city where they are schooled. We are also lucky to have the technology of mobile phones so we can keep in contact with our kids at any time we like. Unlike the old days when ‘handsome farmer husband,’ was away at school. Once a week, they had to line up to ring their parents from a big old black phone that was stuck on the wall and letters were the regular way of communication. If they were lucky they would see their parents through the school term, but more often than not it would be the end of term when their parents came to collect them that they finally saw them.

All of our children went to boarding school. It was something I thought was important, even though I never attended one myself. I had to argue my case strongly and would bring it up regularly when the kids were young. It was a much discussed subject while driving to the big city with my ‘handsome farmer husband’. Even though he went away for schooling himself, he wasnt sure about it being possible. Obviously cost was a big factor and we had to send four of them. We did have to make some sacrifices in the early days.

I know he knew well the benefits, because during his 4 years at boarding school he made long lasting friends from far and wide, his education improved along with his confidence and and back in those days he had lots of fun experiences. There are many stories he tells about his time there. Many will stay untold until all the children are actually finished school, just in case they want to follow his example.

With hindsight, my children are not exactly the same personalities as their father and so I should not have presumed they would all be fine like he was. I was so confident that it would be good for them all to learn some independence away from their mother, who by the way is a pushover and does way too much for them still.

It was a learning experience for all of us. Our eldest probably had it tougher, being the first cab off the rank, but the youngest was like a duck to water. Every child gained something important from their time away. They are all confident, independant people. We now have three who have finished their Year 12 successfully and since finishing boarding school none of them have looked back.

For two years we only had our youngest child at home. Three at boarding school and one at home. It was very peaceful and there were no arguments over who was doing what jobs around the house. We also had plenty of hot water and the grocery bill was very low.

Now we are back to three at home and one away and it is a very different story. With three big (sort of adult) children home it is interesting. We have a big house, but sometimes its not big enough. We have a big hot water service but sometimes, not big enough. We have a reasonable size fridge but not big enough and the list goes on.

Recently there have been many discussions about the length of peoples showers, why they are always in their rooms and who unpacked the dishwasher last, who cooked last, who fed the cats and the chooks, brought the wood over, who did or didn’t put the rubbish out, who didn’t flush the toilet or put the toilet seat down and the list goes on.

We are teaching them to cook so they can at least feed themselves once they leave the nest. It has been challenging but fun. Everyone cooks once a week. The meal gets a rating out of 10. It is rated on taste and appearance and we try some new recipes along the way. Cooking dinner also entails the clean up and tidy the kitchen and pack and put on the dishwasher as well. ‘Number one son’ is very clever as he tries to pick a Friday night to cook, this is very often the night he is out with his mates. Generally everyone has a go, without too much complaining.

I am grateful to have them home for as long as I can. It is lovely to see my boys walking back from the shed chatting to each other after a day at work or hearing my daughter laughing with her big brother while they are cleaning their teeth at night. Sometimes they even help each other cook. I will make the most of those little things, store them in my memory bank. Soon they will be out of our house, back out into the world, independant young adults. Then before we know it ‘number four’ will be home from boarding school. The countdown is on.

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Spring makes people happy

A gate and a paddock of Canola

We are now officially into Spring here in rural South Australia. It is a pretty time of the year both in the gardens and the paddocks.

We have lots of Canola crops growing around our District. It is such a bright and cheerful crop when it flowers. The paddocks are like patchwork. Everyone is posting photos, lots of them, everywhere, with the blast of yellow covering the huge paddocks.

Luckily in the last few weeks we have had plenty of rain to keep the crops growing. Everyone is happy. Farming is always dependant on the rain and sunshine coming at the right time. I know that is something that can make farming quite stressful for some, but most farmers I know are both grateful and accepting. To be able to run a business which highly depends on when, and if the rain falls, you have to be very resilient and confident in your farming abilities. Some years the rain does not turn up at the right time or even at all.

Looking over our paddock and a lake full of water

Hopefully we have had enough rain in the past month, to get the crops through until the next rain does come. When the ever elusive rain is arriving can be a never ending discussion; with neighbours, friends and the community you meet while in town getting the mail.

Both farmers and their wives are now experts with their weather apps. It is quite common for me to be chatting with the farmers wives about the rain and they will check their phones, “oh yes, it looks like rain is coming in three days time. It says there is a 70 percent chance of 1-5mm.” It hasn’t always been this way. In the old days, it was just the blokes, in the paddocks, talking to their neighbour. A chin-wag over the fence included guessing when the “next drop” will arrive. Nowdays the weather experts can let us know at the tap of a finger. I like the technology, it may save my washing from the rain, but I still think it is ‘hit and miss’ most times.

The weather is always a good discussion starter when you are in town shopping. In winter, “gosh it is cold today, had much rain?” in summer, “hot enough for you?” During all seasons we get a lot of wind on our Peninsula being so close to the coast. There are very few days when it is not windy. Being windy is a given and not really talked about much. A calm spring day is one of the best things we get here. That does get people talking and smiling.

Luckily, today has been a beautiful calm spring day. The birds are tweeting, my fruit trees are flowering and the ‘never ending washing’ is drying. With all the crops looking very healthy, ‘handsome farmer husband’ is very happy. The calm spring day just makes life that little bit better.

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Farm Gates

A Rusty old farm gate, doing its job

I have always loved old rusty gates, small or large. We have a few around the house which I have bought (or very rarely found tucked in an old shed). But there are no decorative, rusty pipe gates hanging around on any of our fences or going into our paddocks anywhere. I know as I have looked, many times.

Unlike me most farmers I know intensely dislike rusty, old, quirky, gorgeous gates. They really like plain, ugly gates, probably because rusty, quirky gates dont keep the sheep in and are not practical.
Why shouldn’t we have gorgeous gates? I just want to look at them, not open them.

Back in the early days before our four kids came along my ‘gorgeous farmer husband’ and I would regularly take drives around the property, checking the sheep and the crops. It was a lovely outing but there was one downfall. I was sitting in the front passenger seat, which made me the designated ‘gate opener’ and as every farmers wife knows most of the time that is not a fun job. (Once the kids come along and get old enough and strong enough the job can be delegated). Most gates on our farm are tricky, to say the least and they are not even beautiful, rusty old quirky ones.

Most gates into the paddocks are either heavy and large and not hanging right so once you convince the weird awkward chain with the bit of extra wire to open, you then have to let the gate swing, (hopefully in the right direction), it hits the ground as you chase it and then you have lift it up and walk it out of the way of the ute. I am puffed even writing about this.

Then there are the all wire gates, strung up tight, sometimes with barbed wire across the top and always with a very tricky handle. Once you release the pipe handle from its little wire ring holder you need the muscles of ‘Thor’ to hold it or it feels like it is going to fling back and break your wrist.

That is just opening the gates. I haven’t even got around to how hard it is getting them shut!

So “gate opener” is not a prestige job and it is often thankless. You get out in the cold wind or rain and struggle with the gate. Nothing happening. Great. Throwing a glance of “help me I am stuck” to the the ‘handsome farmer husband’ who is warm and dry in the ‘commanding boss’ drivers’ seat of his ute. He then looks at you with a questioning glance, “really?” You can see him thinking. “You need help with that?” “It is only a gate”. So he puts the handbrake on in his ute and waltzes over opening the awkward gate with ease. “This old thing is easy, you just have to do this….” he says. The ‘handsome farmer husband’ has had 20 years of experience opening this gate. He has ridden with his dad as shotgun and the “gate opener” for many years before he moved up into the ‘boss’ driver of the ute. So now he is in a position to be able to delegate to the next in line. Which is ‘little old farm wife’ me. So I am eternally grateful for the muscles and knowledge of my ‘handsome farmer husband’. So then eventually when you do get a couple of gates open all by yourself, you feel like Wonder Woman. Look at me! Way to go girl! I can open these gates! And I have only just started my apprenticeship as “gate opener”.

Now I am not suggesting by any means that we are weak and insipid women who should wait in the ute for our strong husbands to do all the physical work. No! What I believe is that men obviously designed these gates, because if it was designed by a woman any four year old child could open it and close it with ease. That being said I am not designing gates, unless they are rusty, beautiful quirky ones that I can see from our house that don’t need opening at all.

The joy of being gate opener is that there is time together in the ute, it is a ritual of learning and also working together. Learning how to open a gate, learning the best place to access the paddock, learning the names of every paddock or block and learning about the love of the land.

Fortunately we have another generation to pass that onto and I am now happy to pass on the mantle. I get to sit in the back and just chill, observing my ‘handsome farmer husband’ and his kids communicating, engaging and learning. We have four “gate openers” now and it is a joy for me to see the knowledge of the farm being passed on from their Dad. And just for the record they are all better “gate openers” than me.

Anne x